im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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