Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
