so that wasnt chicken after all
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
