he seriously made his penis a facebook.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
