Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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