Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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