Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
