whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
