I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
