she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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