why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize