he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
