Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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