dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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