On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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