I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
