My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize