You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
