So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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