Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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