he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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