do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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