Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
