I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
