alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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