bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
