I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
