He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
