It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
