Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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