I want to stick my p in your. b.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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