Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize