you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
