I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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