It's Friday. Sex?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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