Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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