This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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