david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
