The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
