he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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