He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
