btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
