i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
