If i come over, it means nothing
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
