butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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