Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your dad touched me again.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't turn off my feet"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
