i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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