you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
