I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
