She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
