when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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