Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
