yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
