Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
