He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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