He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
