I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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