Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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