I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
