Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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