Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
