Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
