im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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