everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
being pregnant is like rehab
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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