Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
