I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
