Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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