if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
