They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
