3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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