today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
