hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
