i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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