she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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