So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
