My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
