He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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