I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can text with my tongue
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize