You just made me feel so damn special
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
