I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
