i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
