in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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