Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm at about main and main street
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
