Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
