i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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