Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
