I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
