wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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