I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
COCAINE IS GR8
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
