I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
