Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
