The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm jealous of your bromance
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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