I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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