I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ugly people sure do ruin things
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
