We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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