You really coming over, don't trick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
