You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
