I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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