so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
