the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
