If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
