oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
