Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
