Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
