Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
