John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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