I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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