Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
