I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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